Family
Two Years Since Obadiah was Born and Died: More Thoughts on Grief
Today is the second birthday of my seventh child, Obadiah Malachi. It’s also the 2nd anniversary of his death. As I previously wrote, it was the most grievous day of my life.
The past two years have seemed to move in slow motion. Each day is a trial. Each day presses me in some way. What used to be easy is now hard. Some things that were once difficult are now much easier.
Infinity and Grief
Joshua Salberg Update
For those who are also friends of my parents, or ask how they are doing from time to time, they are doing well. But, they have had their hands full in trying to find the correct medical treatment for their son Joshua.
For those who don’t know, my parents adopted three children about ten years ago (after the original five of us left the ranch). My parents had the children as foster children almost from birth and were considered “special needs” children by the adoption agency. For the most part, the children have grown out of a lot of their initial “problems” they had as infants. A lot of that had to do with my parents spending a lot of time (and money!) getting them the right treatment, therapy, and medical help - and a lot of prayer! There are still some ongoing things - but then again, don’t we all have our little “problems”?
Having Lots of Children Increases Longevity for Men
HealthDay reports that farming and fatherhood help men live to 100 years old. In a widely-circulated report (I found it on the front page of Yahoo!), the ideal candidate to reach the age of 100 is “a young, trim farmer with four or more children”. While the farming and being fit may not surprise most people, even the authors of the study were caught off-guard by the finding about 4+ children.
“We were surprised that having more than three children is beneficial to longevity — based on previous studies by other authors, and common sense, quite the opposite could be expected,” said study co-author Leonid Gavrilov, who conducted the study with his wife, Natalia Gavrilov, both of the University of Chicago’s Center on Aging.
How Expensive are Children, Really?
My wife recently had a conversation which we’ve had many, many times before. A near-40 year old married man commented that he hadn’t had children yet because they are “too expensive”. Really?
This tired argument is perpetuated by ridiculous studies with little merit, like this one at MSN Money which states that families making $70,200 a year or more will “spend a whopping $269,520 to raise a child from birth to age 17″.
Andrew Peterson Concert with Derek Webb and Eric Peters
I haven’t gone to too many concerts in my life. I saw The Lettermen when I was a child in Saudi Arabia. I still remember it like it was yesterday - and I still love The Lettermen. I saw Bruce Hornsby and the Range in Orlando. I’ve seen a few other lessor acts. I saw a few hair bands at Hard Rock Station in Orlando. But all in all, I’m not a “concert guy”. Oddly, I’d love to go to see certain acts in concert, but for as much as I love music, you’d likely be surprised at how little interest in concerts I show. Maybe it is the people around me that leave me annoyed. Maybe it is poor sound production - which for an audiophile like me can be tough - especially after a few hours.
On the Importance to Men of Raising Children
There are many events in a man’s life which may rightfully be labeled important. In my own experience, I often look back to determine how these events have changed me, how they have shaped me, or how I have grown through them. Through this reflection, I recognize only one event significant enough to be labeled important, that is, life-changing. Although it can hardly be called a singular event, the raising of children, each day, is the most important event of my life.
Grocery Shopping Revisited
Several years ago, I designed a spreadsheet for grocery shopping in Microsoft Excel. The idea was that we would no longer forget certain things when we go shopping. With (now) six children, the human brain can only hold so much information. We’ve tried shopping in larger amounts and cooking in advance (known as freezer cooking), but for day-to-day life, when things get kind of hectic and we lose our ability to plan, we had to have a more consistent approach to fall back on.
Yet Another Excuse NOT to Get Married
I was recently informed about a new website called Dodgeball that, unbelievably to me, has been purchased by Google. Now, in theory, anything that Google does is typically genius or at least smart. This, however, was the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. Which means, of course, that it necessarily involves cell phones. Almost every “cool” website that uses any kind of interfacing with cell phones, is typically, about as uncool and geeky as I can imagine.
Television Viewing Habits
Steve Pavlina once again has posted yet another good article that I feel compelled to comment on. He currently is in the middle of a 30-day TV fast and while that is good, I’m hoping he, and many others, continue to avoid television much more. As a father of six children, people often question what we “do” since we don’t have a television. I find the question amusing - but first let me give a little background.
Gifts for Obadiah
Just wanted to post this real quick as a sort of public thank you while I was thinking about it. I’m sure there are many other major thank you’s, but wanted to make these known.
Some thoughts on grief
I’m sort of exhausted again after another day of bizarre sleep patterns. My mother-in-law, who has experienced the death of her first child as a stillborn, and the death of her husband about ten years ago, told me today that “grief is exhausting”. I couldn’t agree more. I’m constantly exhausted, feeling like doing nothing, but yet, I can’t sleep. The night before Obadiah’s funeral, I only got two hours of sleep. I later fell asleep for about 90 minutes - just out of sheer exhaustion at about 4 in the afternoon. You’d think I’d come home and crash. No. I only got about four hours of sleep last night.
Obadiah’s Song
I had asked my friend, Dietrich Browne, if he would consider playing a few songs at the service. We had decided only to have a graveside service. Partly, unlike someone who is older, there just isn’t much for people to say in the way of a Eulogy for a newborn or small child. But then, again, there seems to be something kind of sweet and innocent about that. Like there is such meaning to this life even though the person never accomplished anything or formed any great relationships or whatever. We just have to honor his short life for what it was - a creation from God, a blessing, a gift.
Obadiah Malachi
Yesterday, I buried my son Obadiah Malachi. He was stillborn on May 21. It has been the most heart-wrenching experience of my life. I feel very much like writing and writing and just getting it all out, yet at the same time feel like doing nothing. But I have to write and here seems as appropriate as anywhere else. I really never handwrite anything anyway, so a journal wouldn’t work for me. My thoughts always come faster than I can write, but I type pretty fast so it is easier to keep up with myself.
